From Dr. Amy King’s monthly “Ask Dr. Amy” column in Asian Avenue Magazine. Submit a question of your own.
Dear Dr. Amy,
Lately I’ve been irritable, struggling to focus at work, and feeling tired no matter how much I sleep. The weird thing is that I’m still getting everything done. I come from an Asian family where working hard is seen as a good thing, so part of me feels guilty even thinking I might need a break.
How do you know when “working hard” has crossed into burnout? And how do you slow down without feeling lazy or like you’re letting people down?
— Running on Empty
Dear Running on Empty,
Burnout rarely happens all at once. More often, it creeps in quietly: irritability you can’t explain, constant distractibility, emotional numbness, exhaustion that sleep doesn’t fix, or a growing sense of apathy toward things you used to care about. Because these signs can look “manageable,” many people push through them for months before realizing how depleted they’ve become.
For many AAPI folks, burnout can be especially hard to recognize. Hard work, sacrifice, perseverance, and endurance are often deep-seated values in our families and communities. Many of us were raised hearing that success comes from discipline and persistence, and that resting too much can look ungrateful, weak, or unmotivated. Those values can absolutely be sources of strength. But they can also make it easier to ignore the body’s warning signs.
The problem is that burnout is not just “working a lot.” It’s what happens when stress overwhelms joy, becomes chronic, and recovery never fully happens. You might still be productive while feeling emotionally disconnected from your life. You might continue meeting deadlines while becoming less patient, less joyful, and less present with yourself and others.
Competence can often hide burnout. High-achieving people often continue functioning long after their well-being has started to erode. From the outside, everything looks fine. Internally, though, even small tasks can begin to feel heavy.
Coping with early burnout does not have to mean quitting your job or disappearing from your responsibilities. Often it starts with smaller acts: setting limits around work hours, taking the fatigue seriously, refocusing on the things that refresh you, noticing your mood shifts, and reconnecting with hobbies or relationships.
Rest is not the opposite of hard work. It’s what makes hard work sustainable. The goal is not to become less ambitious; it’s to build a life where achievement does not come at the cost of your health, relationships, or sense of self.
If this sounds familiar, our page on therapy for high achievers goes deeper.